PETA Stole My Idea!

in Comedy, Featured Articles by Aaron Quinn — September 15, 2009 at 16:56 | 0 comments

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is well-known for using publicity stunts to get people’s attention and manipulate the press into covering their cause. But this time they’ve gone too far.

They recently announced that they want to rent a prison building that the state of Virginia plans to close and turn it into the nation’s first chicken empathy museum.

It’s a good idea, but it’s also suspiciously similar to a project that I’ve been planning for months. They must have had someone on the inside… I knew that person crawling around my apartment in a giant cat costume was trouble.

Someday I’ll have my revenge, Mr. Whiskers! Someday! (But not next week though, I DVRed Mad Men and I don’t want to fall too far behind.)

I guess I’ll go ahead with my big announcement anyway, but it’s obviously not as cool now because PETA totally stole my thunder:

I’d like to formally announce my plan to open the nation’s first McChicken Empathy Museum.

The museum will commemorate the time that I went to McDonald’s and ordered a McChicken sandwich off the dollar menu, only to be told that they were all out of McChicken sandwiches.

I’d like to turn that tragic day into a lasting learning experience that will teach people about the dangers of relying on employees under the age of 14.

The main exhibit will be called the Hall of Horrors, where museum guests will be forced to eat the remaining items on the McDonald’s Dollar Menu. Except for the double cheeseburger, which unfortunately had to be left out due to a deficit in the plumbing budget.

The museum will also delve into the darker side of the McChicken — including how it’s made. This portion of the museum will be based on a diagram I created after extensive research into McChicken production techniques. I’ve included it below:

I need your help to spread the word about this new museum. I don’t have the huge public relations team that PETA does, but I’m hoping that word of mouth will turn this project into a success.

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